Dear Hermione
by Twipotterfreak28
Summary: When I think about that night, how happy you were just to be there, my chest feels tight and it's like I forget how to breathe. Not because I wish I could forget, but because it never gets any easier. They told me it would, but it's been ten years, love, and everything still stings the same. You deserved so much more. -ONE SHOT-


**So. I haven't posted anything in damn near three years, so why did I write a one-shot instead do finished any of my dozens of uncompleted works? Eh, not sure, but here ya go. This is about a lot of things but also nothing, as I had no plan when I thought this up, so don't read too deep into it. Just something I wrote in an hour and decided to share with you guys.**

 **Disclaimer: You know the drill. Shit's not mine.**

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Darling,

It was like slow motion.

Time slowed, motion blurred, sounds faded.

You were the only thing I could see clearly. Your wide smile, your bright eyes, the freckles that dotted your nose.

We had never been to an amusement park before. Your expression was priceless as you took in the intensity of all of the lights and sounds and games. You smiled and turned to me, your hand stretched out.

I took it, the feeling of your fingers intertwining with mine so comfortable and safe. You laughed, almost breathlessly, and spun around like a goddamn lunatic. You said something to me, and for the life of me, I can't remember what it was. Merlin, I wish I could remember what it was.

I remember you wanted to have a hot dog from some booth by the dart game. You ordered it with extra mustard, teasing me because you knew I hated it. So, I got mine with extra ketchup, and you commented how perfect we were for each other because I would never try to eat your mustard, and vice versa.

I have so many memories of you like that. You were so bloody funny, love. Even though you'd been through so much, you kept that beautiful smile on your face, and turned every dark situation into something hopeful. Everywhere you went, the world became a little brighter. Everyone loved you so much; you were impossible to dislike. You were an amazing woman, lover, wife, mother, and pretty much anything you tried your hand at.

As shameful as it is, I try not to think about you. I never thought I would try and erase the memories of us, but Jesus fucking Christ, it _hurts_ , love. It hurts so _fucking_ much.

When I think about that night, how happy you were just to be there, my chest feels tight and it's like I forget how to breathe. Not because I wish I could forget, but because it never gets any easier' they told me it would, but it's been almost nine years, love. It still stings the same.

I haven't let Henry forget about you, though. We talk about you often. He still remembers you, and peculiarly, he still remembers how you smelled. He visited me last week with a bottle of perfume and asked me if it smelled familiar, and when the scent hit my nose, tears came to my eyes. It was like you were right there next to me, your hand in mine, and for a brief second, I closed my eyes and we were a family again. Henry, tears in his eyes too, said to me, "I bought this for Ava, and when she put it on, it was like mum was here again."

I bought you that perfume decades ago. I guess our son and I have great taste, huh?

He's so much like you, though. Too smart for his own good, driven, attentive, and so, so kind. So much about him reminds me of you, from his light brown, curly hair and his almost caramel-colored eyes. The only thing he has of mine is his build and his ears; thank merlin he got your nose.

He's graduating Hogwarts tomorrow, top of his class, and you would be so proud of him. I know I am. He's worked so hard the past few years, and it's not been easy for either of us. Shortly after the accident, I took the position of Potions Master at Hogwarts, somewhat because they never found anyone who stuck after Severus's death, but mostly to keep an eye on Henry. There was always a little bit of light that never returned to his eyes after you were gone, and I was worried he'd fall behind or let his feelings overcome him. After all, he was just 10 years old when it happened- practically a baby, right?

But he's so strong, love. He grieved- we both did- but he came up with ways to keep the memory of you alive instead of wallowing in it. He brings you flowers every Christmas and for your birthday. He keeps a picture of all of us in his pocket, says he likes having you with him everywhere he goes. We cook your favorite meals when he comes to visit, because he loves when our house smells like your cooking. He doesn't come home very often, but I can't blame him. He's a man now.

Our beautiful, goofy baby boy is all grown up, and I wish so badly that you were here with me to see him get his certificates and cross the lake one last time. It's something you and I never got to do.

There are so many things you never got to do. You never got to watch him become the man he is today. You never got to see our son get his Hogwarts letter. You never got to see that movie you were bugging me about for months.

Speaking of, that movie was bloody awful. It ended exactly how every romantic comedy does- they get together in the end, learn a valuable life lesson, and the last line is always something cheesy. But still, when the credits started rolling, I started sobbing like a fool. You would never get the chance to see how that movie ended.

I would give _anything_ to go back in time and change it all. Henry has told me for years that it's not my fault, but I know a part of him, however irrational, blames me. And I've spent almost a decade blaming myself, too. You'd be furious if you knew, you'd say I had no business shouldering blame for an accident I didn't cause, etc. But that doesn't change the fact that I could have saved you.

I never should've let you go by yourself. It was late, and I could've gone to the market in the morning, but you said it was no problem for you to go by yourself. You already had your coat on, after all. I let you walk out that door to your own death.

It was a robbery. Three masked men who wanted all the galleons at the tiny shop. The aurors and the shop owner told me that you were so brave, love. You stunned one of them, dodged a curse by another and blew his wand out of his hand, but there were too many of them. The third man had thrown a stupefy curse at you, not meaning to kill, but when you flew backwards a few feet, you hit your head on the edge of a brick fireplace.

When I opened the door of our home several hours later to see two aurors standing there, terrible looks on their faces, all of my blood ran cold and I _knew_. I knew when you didn't come home that something was wrong. They told me you had a massive brain hemorrhage due to blunt force trauma to the head after an altercation at the market. They managed to keep your heart beating, and the healers told me they could keep you like that for as long as Henry and I needed, but I couldn't do that to you. You wouldn't have wanted to live like that for long.

Everyone came to say goodbye to you. Harry and Ron made a scene, screaming at healers and demanding that every test be done, that you were still alive, that there was still hope… but I knew the truth. They had saved your body, kept your heart beating, but _you_ weren't there anymore. I felt it when I took your hand in mine- you were gone.

The next 24 hours were earth-shatteringly painful. Your parents were devastated- your mother held little henry until they both fell asleep in a chair next to you, their throats raw from sobbing. I had never seen your father cry, and he was so angry- hell, so was I- that this had happened to you, of all people. He was angry that his grandson had lost his mother, angry that your life was snuffed out so early, and furious because you deserved better.

You would've hated being the center of attention like that. Everyone kissed your cheeks or your hands, said goodbye to you, and cried all over your bed sheets. Henry clung to your side and sobbed; he screamed for his mummy to wake up, for you not to leave him, and it broke my heart all over again. When he'd finally fallen asleep, your parents took him back to our home, and when it came time, it was just you and me.

Once there were no tubes, wires, monitors, medicines, or healers in the room, I laid down next to you and gathered you in my arms for the last time. I rocked you into that eternal sleep, kissed your forehead, and whispered over and over that I loved you, that you could go, that Henry and I would be okay.

The moment you stopped breathing against my chest will forever be the single worst moment of my life.

If I had known that that was the last time I would ever see you, when you walked out that door and said you'd be back soon, I would've done so much better. I would've kissed you, told you I love you so much, hugged you tight… if I had only known.

As for the criminals who caused your death, three of them were sentenced to 20 years or less in Azkaban, but the one who stunned you and ended your life… he got the kiss. You wouldn't have approved of that, but the people our country were bloodthirsty and demanded the ultimate punishment.

It's been almost nine years since that time. Nine years full of birthdays, holidays, quidditch matches, teenage angst and milestone moments… without you. I never could've imagined that we'd get through it, but we did. I did my best to raise Henry the way we agreed upon, but I spent a lot of nights lost and wishing you were here to tell me what to do.

We should be together right now, giddy as hell that our son is graduating tomorrow. You should be here with me, with us, growing older and grayer. You never should've died all those years ago. You deserved to see this. You deserved so, so much more, Hermione.

I love you, my darling. I've never loved anyone like I did you, and I never will. You'd curse me, say I deserve to find happiness again, but 'Mione… it's always been you. There's no one else but you.

It was such a privilege to be your husband. I thank every god there is that we started a friendship that grew into the greatest love story I ever could've imagined. You gave me 14 amazing years, you gave me an incredible son, and you gave me every ounce of your love. Through sickness and health- good times and bad- you stuck by me, and I'll be forever grateful. I hope you feel I did the same for you.

I'll see you soon.

Yours forever,  
Draco

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 _ **There ya have it. Hope you enjoyed, and if you did, leave me a review. If you didn't, feel free to leave me a shitty review! Thanks! -twi28**_


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